millenials

Cedar Grove, Howell County and more of Jersey places to memorized. Wait, what are we talking about here? Aren't you working on some art projects? As practicality and needs come into play, I couldn't deny the fact that it has come to point where dreams needs to standby and just parked for a while til I have the nerve to conjure the thoughts of touching it again. It shouldn't be hard, adaptability is key. What can I say?


So to be fair and exact, I am working on a graveyard shift to ends meet. For a while, I was just nagging at my foster mom for some comfort and inspiration to lift myself up and just lets me realize how beautiful life is, still. Easy-going and fluidity is key. Damn it. However, I am here right now conjuring this draft on this desk full of rickety monologues trying to at least learn everything from CRM's of my new boss and the likes. But that's life right? We all start at one point. We all begin at some stage where life seems uncertain and unfair. Be it in the kind of my state or whatnot. Be sure to check me out next time, this post might be updated for some reason- an ambivalence mood.

Back at my desktop and figuring out everything all at once to make my boss feel lighter on her shoulder's load, regardless of my graveyard shift. I mean, we all have to make an impression to our bosses, not to sound like I am politically shitting out others but that's the way it is. You help your boss at some tasks to make her work-life balance seems graspable. I see that.

New people. Same-same tasks with new things to learn. Oh New Jersey, it may not be as the Jersey Shore show at once before, but it could also work that way. Trying to figure out the city and its neighborhoods. I can do that. Let's just work the heck up and make the brain sharper than it was, as to not feel stagnant nor jobless. Crazy. Let's hit the bandwagon with our dreams soon, just be adept with the current state- memorizing Jersey neighborhoods and recruiting people all at once.
 Have a blast, cause it's game time! I mean work.


Today, I woke up with  an ambivalent feeling. I am uncertain about my dreams and goals. I am uncertain of the things that I'd like to do. Evidently, I have never updated this blog for the longest time, well just now. And here are the reasons why:


1. Adulting- finding your niche and also being practical about my current disposition was my focus, so updating a blog wasn't a priority. Hence, I was busy adulting. It's been a while since I last wrote something in here. It's been a while since I conjured a thought and wrote down all the things that would inspire me, may it be my personal experience, my job, friends, travels or whatever random ramblings my life had ran into. It is silly to say that, at some point I was so lazy to even draft. Gosh, what am I doing?

2. Bills- when you realized that you are an adult now and paying bills are part of your existence? Ugh, how I wish I could just go back into being just spoon fed (literally) by my parents. But what can I say? I have to live each day expecting that life is going to be awesome and bills are just part of our daily lives. Fact.

3. Loneliness- I would admit that I have never been this lonely, I always see myself a  strong person and I never depend on others. But for the past few months (insert the no-blog-updates) I felt so useless and so tired actually. I was inadvertently disgusted with my disposition, I lost a job, I worked in a company that doesn't value employees' contribution and or failing to innovate- so I grew tired and I quit. See that? It is not easy being me. And I also wish I have someone whom I call my partner to battle it out and succeed. 

4. Deprived dreams- I always wanted to be in fashion, yes I was able to achieve it, yet it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that I surrender and chose to go back to my hometown with a deprived dreams and a bleeding heart. What is there to pursue when you've lost track of who you are? Fact.

5. Pressure- to be honest I am scared. So scared that I wallow in tears. That my nightmares had become rampant. 

But what can I say? I am who I am. And I just need a chance to see myself on  a better vantage now. Live and maybe go on with life and follow my dreams again? Let see.

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