Who wants to live forever young?

I do. I want to. To see the glimpse of the earth, its amazing involvement to my life. The beauty of life. Who wants to live wonderfully? I do, I want to.

I feel so depress and hurt when the word death becomes the last name of life. When the ending comes, it is always been a hurting time, and to recuperate would never come nor happened easily. If I only have the superpower to go back, the time machine that would brought me back to where I stumble and fall. Things that i thought would brought me happiness. I would definitely do it. But no I can't.

But now is the time to tell you, now is the time to make myself free from letting you unbound from the truth.

It's been two years of living with HIV. For me life is the best thing, the best of everything that I could possibly imagine. The growth that I have makes life more beautiful, more inspired to pursue dreams and make it happen. I was infected last 2009. To accept the result was the great thing for me, I never bragged  nor cried, instead I smiled  with a wholehearted feeling, with a fighter character. I am born to win and to succeed. And I am born to make a difference.

My life has been my main priority- happiness and the true joy of the journey. It's hard to fathom the what and the when, what would be the severe ending of my life- and when is the day. This struck me every time. But positivism is all I have, and I live with purpose- that is to make use of what my capabilities and my talent. To write, to love and to live.

Don't be shock. I ain't faking myself- this is real.

But what burdened me more is not myself- its a friend. She somehow epitomizes the person with courage and strength to live life, to fight and to survive in this venomous life that we are in. I hate it when I am so attached to someone, its either a friend or whatsoever it may like to be. When my feeling becomes real, when the person becomes so dear to me. But her reign as the most veteran fighter of this virus, is graspable, when everyone perceived it clearly, when everyone could ponder and when everyone is held hands accepting. I hate it when someone is bidding goodbye. My heart bleeds.

The core of life is to serve God, and our existence is for Him. But sometimes I do admit it that I screwed up, and the result is this gift. But still His love has never fade- He still love me.

If only I have the ability to cure the illness that my friend has I will do it. But only God knows how.


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  1. out of topic; i saw this movie and this guy in quote "humans knows that we all die, but we don't care about it, not worry about it. a lot of us waste time and don't realize it 'till its near"

    i forgot what movie it's from but it made me think about how true it was and here i am wasting my time watching a movie while i could be out there living :)

    thanks for your post, i enjoy reading it! :) have a great week!

  2. I don't know what to say exactly to you. While reading your post I was teary eyed. But you know what you write beautifully regardless of how much pain you're into.

    Most of us are scared with death whilst myself is scared too. Yet that's part of life and if it's our turn to die then we could no longer do anything because it HIS will yet i believe that there's after life.

    Keep on praying and lift all to him. I adore you dear for you are a fighter. Just keep on going.

  3. Vin: Will check it soon..

  4. pEarL: Thanks a lot pearl for that message..

  5. As I was reading your post, I almost cried. But everything in life has its purpose. But prayer is so powerful, have faith in Him. :)


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