11:37 The clock is ticking and the stand fan is swooshing back and forth. It is almost midnight yet I haven't feel the need to doze off, maybe because I slept late and woke up late. Relevant. Tonight, I have seen quite a number of things changed rapidly. There are those Instagram algorithms that makes instagram way boring than it was before. As weird as it is, I do scrutinize every details of it. Cause in the end, I wanted to learn new things, be it online marketing, branding etc. For me this is way productive than reading news and looking on to my Facebook newsfeed, ugh it is silly to say, but social media have succumb to being a non-realistic plethora of all things new in the 21st century.

There are those new discoveries, new things and terms to understand such as millenials and adulting. These are just few things to consider living in a high tech world of the 21st century. I wonder if the phrase "Ignorance is a bliss" has value anymore. Everyone wants to know more. Cause the more intellectual you are, the higher the chances of making it in life. Gosh, I barely even know IT stuff, but I have to learned how to put the HTML codes on this site and learned how to make a header in canva so it would look like it is still in. Or has it? I don't really care.

I was chatting with a good friend of mine about the new terms that we know nothing about, and failing to innovate or failing to know those terms could catapult you into being an old fashioned individual. It sucks sometimes. I am pro innovation, I am pro to all things new, but it also saddens me when I see people trying too hard to make an impression with nothing but a piece of shitty ideas to boot. I know, we all have that friend who wants to better his or her life and who wants to at least be in the know of all things new. Yet at some point, we forget to realize how to live simply. Because we are too busy innovating.

There are those tutorial about curation of Instagram, how to take better photos and how to look good in just t-shirts and jeans combo. Yes, I get it but as silly as it may sound, I really don't feel like doing everything and learning everything to be honest. Why can't we just stay and observe the sun rises and sets-on a daily basis. I bet you don't like that too. UV rays would damage your skin. Such is life.

I may sound so negative about innovation here, but I do hope people should realized the importance of living simply. This would surely vary on how you perceived simplicity though. As for me, I'd like to try new things according to how I feel, not according to what's in at the moment. Oh good Lord, may You bless us with something to ponder and not something to be stressed about. That's it, I'm done. 12:02AM Sleepy AF. Good night people!

Today, I woke up with  an ambivalent feeling. I am uncertain about my dreams and goals. I am uncertain of the things that I'd like to do. Evidently, I have never updated this blog for the longest time, well just now. And here are the reasons why:

1. Adulting- finding your niche and also being practical about my current disposition was my focus, so updating a blog wasn't a priority. Hence, I was busy adulting. It's been a while since I last wrote something in here. It's been a while since I conjured a thought and wrote down all the things that would inspire me, may it be my personal experience, my job, friends, travels or whatever random ramblings my life had ran into. It is silly to say that, at some point I was so lazy to even draft. Gosh, what am I doing?

2. Bills- when you realized that you are an adult now and paying bills are part of your existence? Ugh, how I wish I could just go back into being just spoon fed (literally) by my parents. But what can I say? I have to live each day expecting that life is going to be awesome and bills are just part of our daily lives. Fact.

3. Loneliness- I would admit that I have never been this lonely, I always see myself a  strong person and I never depend on others. But for the past few months (insert the no-blog-updates) I felt so useless and so tired actually. I was inadvertently disgusted with my disposition, I lost a job, I worked in a company that doesn't value employees' contribution and or failing to innovate- so I grew tired and I quit. See that? It is not easy being me. And I also wish I have someone whom I call my partner to battle it out and succeed. 

4. Deprived dreams- I always wanted to be in fashion, yes I was able to achieve it, yet it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that I surrender and chose to go back to my hometown with a deprived dreams and a bleeding heart. What is there to pursue when you've lost track of who you are? Fact.

5. Pressure- to be honest I am scared. So scared that I wallow in tears. That my nightmares had become rampant. 

But what can I say? I am who I am. And I just need a chance to see myself on  a better vantage now. Live and maybe go on with life and follow my dreams again? Let see.

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