I always for see of making all my dreams come true, those little things as well as those big ones who push me forward to be eager on making them graspable. Today I am quite hesitant to leave, hesitant to make decisions, I don't know I am afraid that I might screwed up in the end. It is hunting me down. It's past 2 weeks now since I went to Manila, and there were lots of things that happened so fast. Got fired,tired and hired? Well I should know which is which. I told you am a bit abashed.

This ambivalent feeling is something I hate, something that I am trying to shun myself of. I guess it was a year ago, when I posted something on this blog that says : "I hate goodbyes, it is far better if I am the one who's bidding it. " My mistake was, I didn't not look beyond, never thought of  rephrasing it it this way :" I hate goodbyes, either me or someone's leaving." And now, here I am scared and beaten.  Wait, why am I scared? Why am I so crappy these days, to think that I don't even have my ticket with me. Damn, here I am thinking, panting, ranting and raving something unreal.

Honestly I am scared. I am afraid that things may not connive. Who wants to dream the dream that is half fetched? I beg, I don't want that. I am insane.

Okay, let me blab this out. I will be moving to Manila, I hope it's for good. The half  fetched dream is not meant for me, and I know there are better things that would be mine. It is too hard to believe that the world will give me happiness, when infact it does not devote itself on  making me happy. I got this principles a year ago, when I was heart broken. But why my heart's maiming to stay in Davao. I know there's somebody who is pulling me back, who is telling me not to go. Someone whom I knew just  few days ago. Somebody that is unique. A bit young but different from the others. I don't know where this post would brought me into,  if you know who you are, please spank me with the truth.

Let me know that I don't have anything left, I don't have that "someone", so I don't need to stay. I need to go, because it is my dream. I need to go because it is meant for me to go. Bidding goodbye is the hardest part. I don't know if you were telling me the truth, that you like me. Liking? Will this be enough to justify my feelings? Will this be enough to justify my insanity? It is evading me.

Oh my, I am lost in the middle of nowhere. Lost in the middle of what? Of crap?

I am totally wiped out and confused.

To Stay or To Leave?

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  1. follow whats in your heart. no matter how much you like that person, it wont change the fact that you have a dream to follow. think of what's in your heart rather than think of a "might be". Everything will come in place if you just believe in HIM.

  2. Daniel: Priestly advice... hahahaha


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