These are unfinished or unpublished drafts, I have mixed them altogether and see how it turned out to be.

December 23, 2012
After the false alarm of a supposed doomsday, my mundane had gone haywire. Aside from clinging on something that i knew it couldn't help me, still I found myself a fan of this insatiable desire to partee. Yes, I got hooked on to this. Been oh so loco to this for the past 7 months and that at some point destroyed my plans. Now celebrating Christmas with some dose of morphine inside my head. Dictating me to just lie down- close my eyes, whilst my middle under is panting in pain, I'm hurt. Darn.

fast forward to

December 26, 2012
I guess those who were alone last Christmas have to agree with the feeling of " I wanted to scream from the loneliness I am feeling right now." The lilting manner of loneliness just encapsulate wherever you are right now. No matter how strong you are, and how eager you are to divert that emotion into something worth doing- yet you were caught off-guard and darn you remember all those mem'ries of your childhood munching  the cookies your mom had prepared. Eating spaghetti like there's no tomorrow and oh can you forget the days where ham's being prepared on the table? I personally squeaks!

December 28, 2012
Okay I guess the oblivion had falling down, with all the pressures and the rants I have been bearing all through out my stay with you, I couldn't grasp any dignity at all. My bearing had gone haywire. Of all those humiliations and despair I have found myself pressured in all aspects as I am staying with you.

But now, today I am happy since the apartment is all mine. I couldn't pretend to be lonely anyway, knowing that if you are staying here-sleeping, I have to be keen enough not to make any little noise because I know it would shackle the peacefulness of your sleep. And if you caught me off-guard again lying on these mattress watching tv, if your eyes have venom I am so fuckin' dead myself now. And when it is your time to leave, before squinting and holding the door knob- your lines needed to be blab first  and that is "make sure, you have the money by tomorrow or else you have to leave the house." 

Well I never wished any shits to happened, but it did, I moi couldn't pretend to be happy, my inner self is killing me. My confidence is is distraught. But there's nobody who could cheer me up, no one but me.

But the gravity of love and hope are the two things pulled me back into being in tack. How in this world can a guy who is dreamer found himself stubbornly beaten by the truth, he has no job, skip meals all the time and lost his stance- even his buff body. Had dared to use illegal drugs and oh yeah  he had gone so much in life. Truly the Rihanna album just defined me "a good boy gone wilder". Defiled my friends and even wasted  'em off.

But heck, the world takes time to travel, revolves around the sun everyday yet it never grew tired doing its mundane everyday of its life. Whilst moi I can do it again and this time- I'll do it better!

2013 will be a better year for me!

Some dosage of haywire

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