How many times should I tell myself to slow down when it comes to love? How many times do I have to tell and convince myself that Love is such a hard thing to fathom? Million times maybe?

There are regrets written on my face now, there are unsolved and  unanswered queries that needs justification.  There are times where I would envisioned myself being cared and loved by someone. There are times that I cling on those inevitable imaginations, where I see myself  gracefully galloping- in-love. But all of those are just day-dreams, all of those are just the fruit of my heavy longing to be loved.

Oh love why are you so tough on me? I know I was too young when I had my first relationship, my first heart break and my first sex but I never blamed myself for being so indecisive and naive on making decisions. I know all of those are experimentation. On the other hand, everything is different now, I am well equipped, I am well mannered, I am well aware that I have grown a lot better than those morbid days where I brag a lot of stuff, had to fight and I had to nag to almost everyone. But those are the old days, I am a man now.

It feels suffocating already, I felt I have been tricked and I have been betrayed.  Of all the things I've wished for myself Love is one of the few that is discreetly telling me I am not deserving to be loved. Though there are people who said "My Romeo is on his way to find me. "

 What took him so long to find me?Am I that hard to be found? I have been wanting and waiting.

This confession is hard and it is very excruciating . I have been battling loneliness these days and the agony of waiting is hard. I hope in time he's going to find me.

For now, I guess I need to tighten up my belt and will remain compose to be patient. I know he's coming, I know he's going to find me and when that time comes- We will beat this world of unfaithfulness!

Confession of a gay-guy

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