Today seems to be the hardest day of my life, well it started late afternoon yesterday. Seemingly what my proctor told us stunned me badly. I was trying to focus on the greater side of the new job I got into, I mean this means a lot to me. I haven't been working for nearly a year and getting a job with a decent pay is great enough for me to survive day by day.

I told you on my previous post that I joggled two things- but this time it seems I am joggling to confusing things: one I am doubting my capabilities in making it into this realm of banking. Two I am taking the option of finding another job, another process and another sacrifices to make. I am scared, I know it is lame for me to act like this, but there are reasons and facts that I cannot spit out just easily. Considerations and some stuff I have hidden myself for so long.

We all know that we can do best if we are in the place and in a job where we love and passionate about. And I wanted it that way too.

I know I am colliding on something that you would be wondering what it is, I am scared of something that I couldn't even spit out. Believe me, it is tough to be myself. I have gone through hell and with all the variety of trials and drastic changes I had been through I gotten myself street smart. Hence I am not making this as a reason for me to be at ease that by all means "I will still survive." Nope, I will not.

The loneliness is starting to eat me, furthermore my friend is asking me about "when will I be leaving" I can't even delve into this right now. I am trying to set myself into a mood where I could think of better options rather than delaying my bum days for more. I need to hit up the bandwagon at thesame time have a plan to change my routine and predicament today. It is hard to not have a job and money for myself. It's delirious.

Will I survive? I will. Will I make a change? I will. Will I get a job? I will.

So help me God!