For the part few weeks, emphatically I have been in a long period of hiatus. I have been screwed due to my poor decisions which I have regretted the most. The troubles are just insurmountable to handle.

I couldn't even fathom the areas that I needed to improved, I know everything needs to be polished and that needs to start within me, I haven't been faithful to myself and to my job as well. Honestly I am terrified that I might lose this job, crossing my fingers my bosses will still give me a chance. God help me.During those hiatus I was able to draft some thoughts that helped me thought things over.

"I am lost and searching. I harrowing on the edge of this meadow.Snarling in fear and disgust, I am shaking.I know I have been in the middle of the battlefield- unorganized. Unfaithful. Of all the things, hurriedly needs to compose myself. My fear might eat me all up.

It can be scarier to figured out that it is because of my poor choices in life. Blaring words of disbelief and blaming myself for the deeds was the last thing I did. Which emphatically the worst thing to do. I know I find it awful to think back, to insult myself again. 

Getting up is all I can do for now. No other way. With the help of God, I know I will."