I have a swelling nerve on my prostate, and it is painful, sometimes I bleed and peed blood. I tried to suck it off my mind and not think about operations, but as the months had passed I was having so much pain, so much blood and even distressed nights.

I kept it to myself, I kept it from anyone, so not to bother anyone. It has been 2 weeks and 2 days since I left and went back to Davao City, one of the reason is to have it removed. I visited the doctor and have it checked, there were series of tests done which is damn costly. I tried to keep it from someone so for him not to be bothered.

But I thought to myself that he might be able to understand if I would tell him. Of course he  did understand.

I am writing right now, without any emphases if this operation will be successful. I have understand everything- i am all alone in this battle, which I find it hard yet interesting.  I would rest all my needs and frustrations to God. I know, He wont leave me alone.

I will push this battle, I will have it removed. Even if no-one will help. But on then, I would come up with my decision, who to be with and who not to be with. I am happy though tears are flowing, but God knows what I need. I will just rest and have Him do it on His way.

It's Me and God now. No one else's.