Today, I woke up with  an ambivalent feeling. I am uncertain about my dreams and goals. I am uncertain of the things that I'd like to do. Evidently, I have never updated this blog for the longest time, well just now. And here are the reasons why:

1. Adulting- finding your niche and also being practical about my current disposition was my focus, so updating a blog wasn't a priority. Hence, I was busy adulting. It's been a while since I last wrote something in here. It's been a while since I conjured a thought and wrote down all the things that would inspire me, may it be my personal experience, my job, friends, travels or whatever random ramblings my life had ran into. It is silly to say that, at some point I was so lazy to even draft. Gosh, what am I doing?

2. Bills- when you realized that you are an adult now and paying bills are part of your existence? Ugh, how I wish I could just go back into being just spoon fed (literally) by my parents. But what can I say? I have to live each day expecting that life is going to be awesome and bills are just part of our daily lives. Fact.

3. Loneliness- I would admit that I have never been this lonely, I always see myself a  strong person and I never depend on others. But for the past few months (insert the no-blog-updates) I felt so useless and so tired actually. I was inadvertently disgusted with my disposition, I lost a job, I worked in a company that doesn't value employees' contribution and or failing to innovate- so I grew tired and I quit. See that? It is not easy being me. And I also wish I have someone whom I call my partner to battle it out and succeed. 

4. Deprived dreams- I always wanted to be in fashion, yes I was able to achieve it, yet it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that I surrender and chose to go back to my hometown with a deprived dreams and a bleeding heart. What is there to pursue when you've lost track of who you are? Fact.

5. Pressure- to be honest I am scared. So scared that I wallow in tears. That my nightmares had become rampant. 

But what can I say? I am who I am. And I just need a chance to see myself on  a better vantage now. Live and maybe go on with life and follow my dreams again? Let see.

Update and the so-called new terms I have to know

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