For the part few weeks, emphatically I have been in a long period of hiatus. I have been screwed due to my poor decisions which I have regretted the most. The troubles are just insurmountable to handle.
I couldn't even fathom the areas that I needed to improved, I know everything needs to be polished and that needs to start within me, I haven't been faithful to myself and to my job as well. Honestly I am terrified that I might lose this job, crossing my fingers my bosses will still give me a chance. God help me.During those hiatus I was able to draft some thoughts that helped me thought things over.
"I am lost and searching. I harrowing on the edge of this meadow.Snarling in fear and disgust, I am shaking.I know I have been in the middle of the battlefield- unorganized. Unfaithful. Of all the things, hurriedly needs to compose myself. My fear might eat me all up.
It can be scarier to figured out that it is because of my poor choices in life. Blaring words of disbelief and blaming myself for the deeds was the last thing I did. Which emphatically the worst thing to do. I know I find it awful to think back, to insult myself again.
Getting up is all I can do for now. No other way. With the help of God, I know I will."
faith
These are unfinished or unpublished drafts, I have mixed them altogether and see how it turned out to be.
December 23, 2012
After the false alarm of a supposed doomsday, my mundane had gone haywire. Aside from clinging on something that i knew it couldn't help me, still I found myself a fan of this insatiable desire to partee. Yes, I got hooked on to this. Been oh so loco to this for the past 7 months and that at some point destroyed my plans. Now celebrating Christmas with some dose of morphine inside my head. Dictating me to just lie down- close my eyes, whilst my middle under is panting in pain, I'm hurt. Darn.
fast forward to
December 26, 2012
I guess those who were alone last Christmas have to agree with the feeling of " I wanted to scream from the loneliness I am feeling right now." The lilting manner of loneliness just encapsulate wherever you are right now. No matter how strong you are, and how eager you are to divert that emotion into something worth doing- yet you were caught off-guard and darn you remember all those mem'ries of your childhood munching the cookies your mom had prepared. Eating spaghetti like there's no tomorrow and oh can you forget the days where ham's being prepared on the table? I personally squeaks!
December 28, 2012
Okay I guess the oblivion had falling down, with all the pressures and the rants I have been bearing all through out my stay with you, I couldn't grasp any dignity at all. My bearing had gone haywire. Of all those humiliations and despair I have found myself pressured in all aspects as I am staying with you.
But now, today I am happy since the apartment is all mine. I couldn't pretend to be lonely anyway, knowing that if you are staying here-sleeping, I have to be keen enough not to make any little noise because I know it would shackle the peacefulness of your sleep. And if you caught me off-guard again lying on these mattress watching tv, if your eyes have venom I am so fuckin' dead myself now. And when it is your time to leave, before squinting and holding the door knob- your lines needed to be blab first and that is "make sure, you have the money by tomorrow or else you have to leave the house."
